Smile:Lost Along The Way
by Vegx
Summary: In a whisper he repeated those words again. "Does this darkness have a name?" Is it your name? The voice said. Zack&Cloud A fic about their relationship at their last days escaping Shinra


Some dialogues were based on a particular famous quotes from ONE TREE HILL. In fact I was inspired by an amazing Final Fantasy AMV called LIKE YOUNG MEN TO WAR.

HERE IS THE LINK, without spaces.

www. youtube .com/ watch?v = azu-mKICwdU&feature =related

Sorry for the lame name, but I thought it fitted for this fic.

I made this FANFIC a long time ago, In fact it was my fiRst Zack Cloud.

I hope you enjoy it. And yes! I KNOW for the one who know me from my humor fic Blue Silk I should be updating that one but let's say I have problems finding inspiration.

Also sorry if there is any grammatical mistake. I didn't had a beta reader for this fic. I'M SEARCHING FOR ONE, PLEASE VISIT MY PROFILE TO KNOW THE DETAILS.

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He could hear some distant noises, like voices under water; they were calling his name but the throbbing pain running through his head made it almost impossible to focus. His body didn't obey him. When he tried to move he couldn't. He was not able to open his eyes or utter a single word. He couldn't do anything.

"Cloud?"

Strong arms held him. All he could feel was pain… the sensation of burning from the inside.

"Zack?" Cloud said with half lidded eyes, his body trembling due to all of the Mako that was running through his system. His vision was blurry and he could barely feel the strong arms holding him, leading him to an unknown destination.

"You finally woke up" A sound of relief was heard as the blond tried to focus on his partners voice, a buzzing sound was on his ears making the task of listening complicated.

"What happened?" he looked into those blue eyes, finding him wearing a serious expression on his face, which was rather unusual in Zack. The black haired man was clearly worried and inside those bright blue eyes there was another emotion hidden, one, which Cloud couldn't quite describe. Maybe anger, frustration, guilt?

He waited for an answer which never came from his friend's lips, so he just looked away, confusion clear in his blue eyes. What was wrong with Zack? What happened? He couldn't quite remember the events before he woke up, here in Zack arms; he had distant memories of him losing consciousness next to the SOLDIER and something happened on the Mako Reactor…

Some images came to his clouded mind in a blurry flash.

Sephiroth and Tifa, the town's people…

"Zack…What happened to Tifa? Where is she?" his voice sounded panicked and the SOLDIER held him tighter. Zack looked down at him, eyes filled with despair. How he could explain all the events that had occurred to his friend?

"Zack? Answer me! What's happening? Why can't I move!"

But his friend remained silent, hiding his gaze from the other. Cloud couldn´t really complain given the situation he was in; in stead he just frowned angrily at his stubborn friend.

Minutes passed in silence and he noticed they were approaching Nibelheim outskirts.

"Wasn't the town destroyed?" Zack said out loud. He frowned in confusion and held Cloud a little bit tighter. Cloud tried to move at his friend's words to take a look around but it was dark and he could barely catch a glimpse of his native town. Something felt wrong, everything was so quiet; it was almost as if everyone had disappeared.

He looked at Zack and bit his lip, fighting the urge to ask him again.

"Zack?"

"That way!" A voice screamed in the darkness

"Shit!" The SOIDIER cursed as he carefully laid Cloud down to the ground.

"What are you doing? Don't leave me here! " He shouted with an anxious voice, glancing at some Shinra SOLDIERS that were approaching them.

"Cloud, wait for me here "Zack said smiling, stroking the blonde's hair gently.

"Zack!" He tried to grab the other's wrist but his body didn't find the strength to do so, he just remained frozen with an expression of fear, watching Zack turning his back to him.

He waited there for him; minutes felt like eternal years of despair for him, he could hear guns shooting, Zack screaming with rage. Soldiers were near his hiding spot; fear was taking him over. If a soldier tried to kill him he couldn't run away, he couldn't move to protect his friend. Again he was a useless piece of trash, never been able to protect anybody and always being the one who was getting protected. He felt tears of anger stinging his eyes; he was ready to sob. But felt a presence behind him and a voice clear in his ears.

"You ok, spiky?"

The blonde man shook his head.

"Just explain me what's happening already!" He said, glaring at the man in front of him with confused eyes

"Cloud…I."

"Just say it!"

"Not here, we have to get out of here first" He insisted grabbing Cloud and taking him back into his arms.

They remained silent all the way out of Nibelheim and just when Cloud couldn't see the town anymore Zack spoke.

"We are no longer in SOLDIER" The statement made Cloud to visible flinched.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked as Zack gently placed him on the floor.

"We are "dead" to them now, we are just Shinra's Company experiments that achieved to escape…"

Zack sat down and grabbed a rock, throwing it far away; Memories of the previous events of this day making him depressed. He had work all his life for them. He was willing to even give his life to the duty of being a SOLDIER. God dammit! He had been even proud, honored to be able to belong in the company. He felt frustrated, fearful but must of all he felt betrayed; he realized the last years of his life, his beliefs, what he had fought for had been a lied. Had the General felt the same when he found out the truth? Zack suddenly felt empathy for Sephiroth. And saw in other perspective the actions that the General had made. The truth was a nightmare. He couldn't even believe his current situations, he wanted to think that this was all just a bad dream and that he would woke up on this barracks ready to go to a mission. He closed his blue eyes and sighed.

"Cloud" The names was said in a whisper. The SOLIDER was looking now at the black sky. His eyes were some place far away thinking of the freedom that both would have to fight for." You can't move because they experimented on you. After the fight with the general we both lost consciousness. While we were unconscious they took us to Hojo's hands, they experimented on us. We were just toys to them, we always were just Shinra's toys" The man clenched his fits as the anger overcome him.

Cloud remained silent, the cruel truth bringing him back to reality slowly and painfully.

"Sephiroth did...He…"

"He killed the town's people, including Tifa's dad"

"What?"

"He went mad when he found out about Jenova's research project and burned down the whole town, he…just…He-" He punched his fists into the ground, anger running through his veins. He looked at Cloud with sad, angry eyes " Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred…. how did it find us? " He throw his arms in exasperation and started to walk in circles out of nervousness. He finally came to a stop, Cloud watching his every movement with sad eyes.

"Did it sneak into our lives or… did we seek it out and embrace it?"

Cloud looked at him with wide eyes. Zack took a few steps away form him the wind moving his hair. His words seemed to be carried away by the wind. "We embraced it by entering Shinra."

Zack shook his head, placing his hand on his forehead looking like he was about to burst into tears.

"What happened to us?" His words echoed in that cold night.

The annoying alarm clock woke him and blue eyes opened slowly. He sighed wearily as he sat on the bed, running a hand through messy spikey hair. He suddenly gave a happy sigh and like a lost child turned around looking down at the empty space on the mattress.

His happiness faded away instantly.

He was such a fool, waking up with false hope of seeing him, here alive next to him.

"Cloud!" Tifa shouted out, from the other side of the door.

He lazily stood up from bed an opened the door with an annoyed look on his face. "Yes?"

"It's Denzel, he is not feeling good" She looked down at Cloud's bared arm, gasping in surprise when she saw the dark skin on the blonde's arm, soon enough Cloud realize what she was staring at.

"Cloud! Is that-"

He quickly closed the door, literally shoving it in Tifa's face.

"Cloud!" She angrily shouted, "Please, open the door!" Her desperate knocks were ignored and the blonde decided it would be better to get dressed quickly. He hissed in pain as the cloth brushed over the wound on his arm.

Minutes later he opened the door again, a really pissed off Tifa in front him.

"What's wrong with you?"

"…."

"Cloud, you-"

"Where is Denzel?"

"Cloud! Don't change the subject, I'm worried about you!"

"We have more important things to take care of like… taking care of Denzel," He said indifferently.

"You're sick just like him aren´t you?" She said, looking at Cloud's clothed arm with a sad look on her face. "Why didn´t you tell me anything?" she sighed, looking angrily into Cloud's eyes.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked in a louder tone, nearly shouting.

"Tifa…"

The girl looked at him with piercing eyes, waiting for an answer. She was about to say something when a sick Denzel came out, helped by little Marlen.

The kid was really pale, dark circles under his big eyes and with the Geostima spread over his forehead, he looked like a living dead.

"Cloud" smiling he slowly approached the pair arguing on the hall, and the blond wondered how a kid that was nearly dying could still smile. The image of Denzel dying eyes was devastating; it wasn't fair that these orphan children were excluded from the right to live, to play, to run… to have a normal life. But you couldn't have a normal life here in Midgar and it was all thanks to those Shinra Bastards.

Silence remained in the room until a knock was heard; Tifa immediately went to open the door as Cloud checked Denzel to see how he was doing.

"Are you feeling better?"

"No, I still feel dizzy and my head hurts"

"You'll be cured I promise" he said caressing Denzel's brown hair, as for the kid he nodded in response and looked at the now open door. He saw two men dressed in black coming inside their house and shutting the door as they entered.

"Hey yo! Spiky" Reno greeted, Rude following behind him, they took a place at Cloud's side, both then putting a serious expression on his face. It was something really common for Rude but not Reno, who was terribly quiet.

"We´ve got some bad news" Rude finally spoke, breaking the silence.

"What is it?"

"Kadaj. He is gathering all sick orphan children, we are still not sure what he is after, but we better be careful. "

"What?" his frown deepened and he made a gesture with his head to Tifa, who clearly got the message and took Denzel and Marlen to the next room, leaving the three men alone.

" We are not sure for what he is gonna used them, we better do something knowing that sick bastard he could do anything…"

"The city is a chaos" Rude stated.

"It has always been a chaos Rude" Reno said rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

"As things are going, Kadaj and company will surely attack Midgar"

"For what purpose"

"Not sure…" They both replied.

"Shinra is already destroyed, I don't see the point in attacking Midgar"

"They were talking about _finding mother_" Rude said

"Do we have enough people to fight them?"

"No, but some guys of our age are willing to help us-"

"Don't lie to me" Cloud interrupted, he knew Reno was lying, the red head wasn't an idiot he knew how much Cloud hated young people being involved in this business.

"Ok. Maybe they are a lil' bit young okay?" the blond looked at him with piercing eyes and Reno continued with a hint of nervousness on his voice" Well you win… they are teenagers. But...Cloud look, what matters is they are gonna help us fight against-"

"What matter is they are young people and they are gonna die young for war. They are no prepared for it-"

"How you dare to say that? How about you? You are not that old at all" Reno stated serious look on his face

"That's different I-"

"Then how about Tifa? Or Yuffie? Wait…don't tell me" A hint of sarcasm could be heard on his voice. Reno knew that expression on Cloud's face it was because of _him, _he suddenly felt like punching something "Are you saying this because **he** died so young protecting yo-"

Rude put a hand on Reno's shoulder, indicated him to stop talking, Reno shook the hand away controlling himself and eating the words he was willing to spit. He hated when Cloud was like this always so afraid of losing something always so neurotic about everything. Because of _him_, no one could count on Cloud, never. All his life, all his decisions were based on _him_. The people around Cloud were sick of it. He had to; he needed to get over it. He had to get over the traumas and fear that his dead had provoked.

Reno continued to shook his head in disbelief as for the blond he only looked with a killer glint to Reno, he hated he hated…when people talk about it.

"You are only searching for revenge, and this is all because of Zack-" Rude flinched at the name he had said it. Reno had fucked up big time. Now Cloud wouldn't listen, no after his name was put on the matter.

"Well is my problem! I just can't stand it! I can't stand innocent people dying anymore!" The blond said, nearly shouting the words.

"Cloud-"

"You tell me Reno! When will innocent people stop dying?" Cloud interrupted giving a deep sigh and closing his blue eyes leaning to the closest wall. And he then remembered Zack's words again they were just so… true.

"_What happened to us that we now send children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some would __be lost along the way?"_

"_What happened to me, Zack?" _Cloud thought in regret to himself_,_ as he showed to Reno and Rude the way out of his house with his hand. Both men shook their head and cursed at him shooting the door with a loud noise.

Only half and hour had happened since Reno and Rude came and Cloud was still confused, maybe his emotional state was so upside down since a few years ago, _that _had happened. Today was the day he had lost Zack.

He needed to take a walk and clear his head for a moment…

Taking a deep breath he stood up from his sit, moving towards the door, outside it was still raining but he didn't care at all.

"Cloud, can I talk with you for a moment?" Tifa called from the closed door of Denzel's room

Cloud just nodded waiting for the girl to approach him.

"Did you fight with Reno and-"

"Yes"

"Cloud… "

"Not today Tifa I'm not in the mood" he turned his back to her, but Tifa wasn't letting him go, he took the blonds arm tightly and force the man to turn, she looked at him, brown questioning eyes piercing into him, giving a sigh Tifa final spoke.

"I don't really understand you Cloud, you are so cold hearted and emotionless at times…"

"Tifa, I don't want to talk about that, just not today …"

"No! Cloud! Just stop putting excuses! Stop it. You have to get over him" she said slapping the table next to her she always tried to avoid the black haired man's name, she knew how much Cloud hated to talk about it, but Tifa was tired, tired that year by year, Cloud will became a lifeless little thing" I know what you think, that you're not strong enough to protect yourself, then how will you protect others? You think you are not able to protect anybody, because you weren't able to protect both of them right? That you are for no use! That everything is your fault! Stop it already! Don't blame yourself like that; you are not alone in this Cloud! Just move on… this is the reality now, stop leavening in the past!" She tried to regain her breath after her outburst waiting for the other's response.

The blond listen in silence to her nodding, turning his blue eyes to the floor and then slowly facing the woman who now hold his hand. Tifa's word piercing to him like a knife, it was the whole truth and it hurt when it was shoved in your face like that. Giving a deep sigh she mumbled. "He wouldn't like it…he wouldn't like to see you like this…so for his sake…just…stop leaving in the memory of someone who is already gone"

The blond remind silent when he heard Tifa's words. Flinching away from his partner grip, Cloud made his way to the door. "Cloud!, I didn't mean it that way…Please I just want you to open your eyes…change for your own sake, Cloud I-" With a gesture of his hand he indicated the brown eyed girl to stop.

"Tifa, I have things to do" He turned around, leaving Tifa with the words on her lips, with heavy steps the blond opened the bar's door and walked away, as for her, she just watched Cloud's back getting lost on the pouring rain.

OooooooooooooooooooooO

The church was quite as always, gloomy as always, sad as always and he was alone…as always. His only companions the flowers that she had left and the memories of her wandering around the church.

He always came to the church and tried to tent the flowers, but he couldn't touch them, he couldn't not with his blood dirty hands.

Aerith flowers were some of the things that made him feel happy and comfortable, but not today, he watched the flowers with a sad look on his face and then he looked at his hands, they were so dirty, they were so red, so blood stained, so filled with guilt, he wasn't able to protect her, he had fail to his best friend twice.

He couldn't remember the last time he really smiled, the last time he felt warm in his chest, the last time he felt he was alive, the last time he was happy, he wasn't him anymore. He was a shadow of what he once was.

He was a piece of trash with a pair of dirty hand filled with his blood, with the guilty and the regret. He couldn't bear the weight anymore, he couldn't live for both lives, and he could not continue lying to himself.

"When did I lose my way?"

And his thoughts were lost in memories of Zack and his beautiful smile, he would always smile at him, a sincerely smile full of happiness that made Cloud chest clench, but then those smiles turned sad, empty and dark.

"'_I'm not human anymore" he looked at blue eyes and tried to smile, but it faded away in sadness."I shouldn't let them …it was my fault that they did this to you Cloud"_

"_Zack?" concerned eyes tried to catch Zack's gloomy face and he tried hard, to bring him back, what happened to the Zack he knew, the one that smile, the cheerful the happy one._

"_Does this darkness have a name Cloud?_

"_Is not your name Zack…" _

Cloud sighed at the memory of that night; it was his last night, the last time he spent at Zack's warm embrace. It was the last time Zack said to him everything was going to be all right. It was the night that Cloud tried everything to bring back that beautiful smile, he had tried everything.

_That smile was in his lips, the one that made Cloud squirm in happiness the one that make him feel alive, that smile was in his blood stained lips when his weak legs could finally reach the man who was fighting to remain alive._

_And blue eyes looked at him and that smile a full sincere smile was gracing the other's lips, the one Cloud had tried so hard to put back again into that familiar face._

_Those lips were smiling at him, Zack was finally smiling at him, but Cloud couldn't, silent tears made his way to that blood stained face and as the tears faded away into Zack skin. Cloud smile faded away…_

"I was consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness." He whispered with a pained expression in his face he could feel the pain all in his chest, today was the day he had died protecting him, and he couldn't he couldn't smile back at him.

"Does this darkness have a name?" He looked at the blue sky above him, would he ever been forgiven? Was he still able to leave for both lives? Was he able to stay away from the darkness…was he…

He suddenly felt numb and just remain silent and nearly in a whisper repeat those words again. "Does this darkness have a name?"

Silent tears rode by pallid skin; his cerulean eyes watched the teary sky asking for forgiveness.

"Is it your name?"He heard the voice clear in his ears, that smooth voice that he hadn't heard in years, he continue to look at the sky and could feel a smile forming on his lips but he still didn't dare to look back at the door, he couldn't he couldn't believe it, was he dreaming, was it real? Blue eyes slowly made their way to the door and his blue eyes open wide in surprise, he gasped _his_ name, and in the corner of his pallid lips a beautiful smile was starting to live, in a soft whisper, he said his name, one that he hadn't dare to say since the day he passed away.

"Zack?"

And as he walked down to the door with hurried steps, he saw that lovely smile gracing the others ones lips.

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Can I have your opinion


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